I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
