I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
