Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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