I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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