Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
