you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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