His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
