My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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