We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
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The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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