i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
