I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
