I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am one with the molecules
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
