fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
