Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
