Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
