If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
