I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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