every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
