My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
