I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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