have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
