i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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