Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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