Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
