Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
