Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
