pop tarts are not kleenex
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
