he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
