We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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