um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
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Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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