CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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