You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
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So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize