Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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