You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
