I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
