So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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