Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
