I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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