I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
