or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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