Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
