I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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