I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
