she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
