Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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