lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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