just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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