I think my fart just growled at me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
