you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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