Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
