This gyro tastes like lonliness
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
