uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
