we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
