I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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