You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
