Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
