If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Come on in and take your pants off
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