wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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