I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
