we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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